


You’re The Only One I’ve Ever Wanted

by kitorion



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bottom Sirius Black, First Time, First Time Bottoming, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Sirius is a useless gay, Smut, Top Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:12:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29410305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitorion/pseuds/kitorion
Summary: But Sirius had had a sudden wave of confidence that had come in the form of want. He had been sitting there since four, just thinking about Remus and what he might do to him if he were there. He considered jerking off when it dawned on him that he might finally be ready to do more than just bloody kiss him. Not only that, Sirius wanted to go all the way, whatever that meant for them.So he had sat there for half an hour, frustratedly horny, and made a plan to tell Remus he wanted him to have his way with him.But it turned out that was quite a hard thing to tell someone.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 121





	You’re The Only One I’ve Ever Wanted

“Hey.” Merlin, Sirius was so fucking nervous.

He was lying on Remus’ bed, pretending to read some textbook he'd snatched up off the floor. It might’ve been one of Remus’ or even upside down but he couldn’t concentrate enough on the words to tell. 

Remus walked across the room, dropped his bag at the foot of the bed and swung and arm around one of the bedposts, peering down at Sirius.

“Hi,” he smiled. If he noticed Sirius’ unease, he didn’t make a big deal of it. “Whatcha up to?” 

“Oh… nothing. Just reading,” he threw the book down onto the floor. “Doesn’t matter, it's boring anyway. How was study group?” 

“Good actually…” he said, still leaning against the bedpost. He was so tall and his sleeves were rolled up and Sirius wasn’t really listening to what he was saying. “...Managed to finish on time for once too. How was detention?”

This snapped Sirius out of his trance. 

“Not entirely awful.” He fidgeted with the hem of his t-shirt. “Prongs droned on about Lily the entire time though. Wormy and I got through three games of exploding snap before he realised we weren’t listening. He ‘accidentally’ split an ink pot down my shirt.”

Remus chuckled and pulled at his tie to loosen it. Sirius gulped. 

“That why you’re wearing pyjamas?”

“Mhm.” he hummed, trying not to sound distracted. 

“Are you alright, Pads?” It hadn’t worked then.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he raised his eyebrows and gave a strained smile. 

Again, Remus didn’t push it. He glanced around the dorm and ran a hand through his hair. “Where’s Pete now then?”

“Merlin knows. He said he was going to find Florence,” Sirius said with a smirk, “if you understand what I mean.”

“Oh,” Remus said with a chuckle. “Lucky him.” 

Sirius gave a small laugh too and picked at a piece of fluff on his cotton trousers. Remus kicked his shoes off. 

“And James is at practice,” he found himself saying even though Remus already knew. Merlin, he was desperate wasn’t he? 

“Oh yeah?” Remus said casually. 

“Yeah. He won’t be back before dinner… Do you want to...?”

Remus ginned and climbed onto the bed, shuffling forwards on his knees until he was hovering over Sirius. Sirius leant up on his forearms and closed the gap between them. 

All they bloody did was make out. Every time the others were out of the dorm they would go a bit further and then get rudely interrupted by footsteps on the stairs. They had never properly shagged; the circumstances were always wrong and, even if they weren’t, Remus knew Sirius was apprehensive even though he wanted to. 

But Sirius had had a sudden wave of confidence that had come in the form of want. He had been sitting there since four, just thinking about Remus and what he might do to him if he were there. He considered jerking off when it dawned on him that he might finally be ready to do more than just bloody kiss him. Not only that, Sirius wanted to go all the way, whatever that meant for them. 

So he had sat there for half an hour, frustratedly horny, and made a plan to tell Remus he wanted him to have his way with him. 

But it turned out that was quite a hard thing to tell someone. 

Sirius squirmed beneath him as Remus ran his hands down his sides and underneath his t-shirt. That, Sirius was fine with. They had done that before. Sirius snaked his arms around Remus’ waist, resting them on the small of his back. 

“You’ve gone all red,” Remus said fondly as he pulled away. Sirius was flushed down to his neck; the Summer air was so hot and Remus and his words weren’t making it better.

“So warm,” Sirius panted in response, bringing his hands up to fiddle with the buttons on Remus’ shirt. 

Remus dived at his neck, forcing Sirius’s clumsy hands to fall down, and kissed at the exposed skin there. Sirius writhed beneath him, arching his back and turning his head so Remus had better access. 

“You’re wearing far too many clothes,” he breathed and Remus laughed against his jaw, sending vibrations across his skin, and continued sucking a red mark onto his neck. 

Sirius yanked at Remus’ shirt so that it rose up over his stomach and Remus pulled back for a moment to pull it off over his head and onto the floor, taking the loosened tie with it. Then he sat back on his knees which rested either side of Sirius’ legs and watched as Sirius sat up, tugged his own t-shirt off and added it to the pile. 

He ran his hands over Remus’ chest, tracing the scars absentmindedly and marvelling at the fact that he could finally indulge in touch after Merlin knows how long he’d fantasised about it. It never got old now he could do it. He wanted his hands everywhere and he wanted Remus’ hands on every inch of him. 

He leaned up, cupped Remus’ face gently and kissed him. He felt a hand on the small of his back, guiding him to lie back down. Yes, this is what he wanted, hands, skin-on-skin, touch. 

They kissed lazily, Remus lying on top of him, smothering him, almost suffocating him but he didn’t mind. There was a leg between his own and Sirius thought if he could just roll his hips up- But Remus got there first and-

“Mmhh,” he moaned into Remus’ mouth. Fucking hell, he’d been waiting for this. 

Remus pulled back, ever cautious. “Was that okay?”

“Merlin, yes, please.” He was so hard now it was torture. He was sure Remus could feel it through their trousers; he could definitely feel Remus’ erection pressing into his hip. 

Remus smirked down at him kindly and lowered his head to kiss at Sirius’ neck again. Sirius bucked his hips into his thigh and sighed at the pleasure coasting through him. Remus groaned against his neck and ground their hips together in response. And then he did it again and again and again until they were both panting and Sirius craved to get their trousers off and feel Remus’ cock in his own hands. 

His hands wandered down to Remus’ trouser clasp, fumbled with it and let out a whine when it wouldn’t come undone. 

“Want something?” Remus hummed against his chest, looking up at him.

Sirius bit back a moan and nodded. “I want to…”

“Tell me Sirius... Do you want me to take our trousers off?”

“Yes,” he breathed. 

“Then what?” He pulled away from his neck. 

“I want… Want to touch you.” 

Remus moaned softly. Oh wow, that was the most attractive thing Sirius had ever seen. 

“Do you want me to touch you?”

Sirius nodded frantically. “Yes. And I want- I’m ready to-“

Remus raised his eyebrows. “Do you want to fuck me?”

“Yes. Or, rather, I think… Can we try? I want you to…”

“You want me to fuck you?” His voice had gone a bit breathy and his eyes were wide with lust. Sirius hadn't quite realised what revealing this information would do to him. 

“I want to try,” he said sheepishly. It was endearing. Remus smirked. 

“Okay. If that’s what you want.”

“It is. It really is. I just…” and then he trailed off. This was the part he really didn’t want to say. 

“You’ve never slept with a guy before?”

Sirius looked down at the duvet. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed. Okay, maybe just a tiny bit. He had wanted to, god he had wanted to every time he looked at Remus, but he’d spent so much time trying to pretend he wasn’t gay that he’d never actually even… 

He’d dated girls to throw everyone off the scent but as soon as they wanted to take him to bed- and they often did- he couldn’t go through with it. And he always felt like such a let down- everyone thought he was some sort of sex symbol- but the girls were always nice about it, even if they didn’t mean it.

But he was scared now that if he revealed his laughable innocence, it might destroy some part of him in everyone’s eyes. Maybe Remus wouldn’t even care but he might unintentionally treat him differently; he might touch him like he was too pure or, god forbid, fragile. Sirius wouldn’t be able to stand it. 

So he answered simply, not lying, just not telling the whole truth, and hoped that Remus didn’t notice that he was overthinking his words.

“...No.”

Remus smiled softly and shrugged. “That’s okay.”

Of course he was being nice about it, Merlin, Sirius wanted him so bad. 

“It’ll just be different to what you’re used to, you know that,” he chuckled, lowering his head to kiss his jaw. “You know what you want. Tell me again.”

Sirius inhaled as he kissed along his jawline, trying to find it within himself to tell him the truth. But the image Remus had put in his head by asking that was overwhelming his brain. Trust Remus to have to make consent sexy. And then ask for it like twenty times.

“Moony- Want you- Want you inside me-“

Remus moaned and brought his hand down to unzip his trousers. Sirius copied him, trembling hands moving downwards and then Remus was climbing off him and letting his school trousers fall to the ground. Sirius kelt up. He could see how big he was through his boxers. He’d caught glimpses before, hell, he’d probably seen Remus naked before. But never like this. 

He hadn’t realised he was staring until his name was said softly and Sirius blinked his eyes up to look into Remus’. He half forgot what they were doing for a second, half forgot Remus was probably waiting for him to take off his pyjama bottoms. But he was sort of paralysed under Remus’ fixed, compelling stare. Remus moved his foot to take a step towards him and Sirius threw out his arms.

“Wait!” Remus retracted his foot. “I need to tell you something before we…”

“What is it?”

“It’s not that important…” he backtracked, “Don’t make a big deal- but I thought you should probably know I…”

Shit, this was even harder than he thought. Merlin knows what Remus thought he was on about. But he reassured him anyway. 

“You can tell me. I know you’ve been hesitant.”

“Not because of you! I- And you’ve been so nice about it- Fuck,” he cursed the clumsiness of his words. “Because I’ve never had sex- with anyone.”

There, he said it. And the world didn’t fall in around him. And Remus didn’t shout, Remus didn’t laugh, he just blinked a bit rapidly and then slowly shrugged his shoulders. 

“Okay.”

“It’s okay?”

“What? Course it’s okay,” he moved towards him. “I’m just a little amazed you’ve never- You’re…”

“I know,” Sirius looked down. “All the girls… I could just never do it, you know?”

“No yeah, that’s- understandable- I just meant-“ he placed a hand on his jaw, “How could anyone and everyone not want _you_? You’re… stunning, Sirius.”

His words formed a crescendo in Sirius’ chest.

“Well you’re the only one I’ve ever wanted.”

And then he leaned into Remus, dumbfounded with pure adoration. They simply held each other for a moment and Remus breathed deeply and said,

“And you’re right, it doesn’t matter- If this is what you want for your first time.” And then he added, laughing, “S’not like you’ve gotta shag a girl before you qualify for bottoming.”

“Oh piss off.”

“Never.” And then he kissed him. 

Sirius swallowed hard in between kisses and pushed a hand downwards to shimmy his trousers off, freeing his swollen erection. Now he had no more secrets, he was feeling more confident than ever. 

Remus pulled away and breathed in sharply through his teeth. “You’re not wearing…”

“Nope,” he smirked, glancing down and taking it in his hand. 

Remus stared and responded by pulling his own cock free from the confines of his waistband and stroking teasingly while he dropped his boxers to the floor. Sirius’ cock throbbed in his hand at the sight. 

“You’re so… Fuck… Moony-”

Remus laughed as he failed to string a sentence together, leant down to take Sirius’ face in his hands and kissed him more intensely. Sirius kissed back fervently and his knees shuffled towards the edge of the bed to lean into his body. 

“Fuck,” Remus momentarily detached their lips as the head of his cock grazed Sirius’ stomach. He wound a large hand in between them and wrapped it around both of them. With a jerk of his wrist, Sirius gasped.

He was seeing stars. So this is what it’s like, seemed to be his only coherent thought. The feeling of long dexterous fingers on his- Merlin, he could feel his pulse heighten. And the knowledge that it was Remus- Fuck- He was coming undone by Remus’ sole manipulation… That thought might be enough to…

“You look beautiful like this,” a voice above him whispered and he met eyes with its owner. Remus’ pupils were blown, covering almost all of his lovely green irises, and Sirius knew his own were wide and wet already. Sirius didn’t quite know what to say in response so he just leaned into the warm body in front of him, breathing raggedly into his shoulder.

He wanted to touch Remus and never let go, be so close to him that he couldn’t get closer, compressed into his skin. He wanted Remus’ long fingers all over him now, his cock filling him up. He choked out a moan at the thought, his head dizzy with it. 

“Fuck- Fuck me,” he half demanded half begged, breathless. 

“Yeah?”

“Yes! Merlin Remus-“

But before he could make some snarky comment, Remus had put a knee on the bed, dipping the mattress, and pushed Sirius back into the pillows. Then he crawled between his legs and gave him a small kiss on the lips, smiling like he couldn’t quite believe Sirius was even real and tangible and not some aesthetic for him to gaze at. 

“How- How…?” Sirius panted, his head lolling a bit to one side in a hazy desire. 

“Oh right,” Remus blinked a bit, held out his palm and, before Sirius could open his mouth to ask what he was doing, his wand flew at him from across the room and landed in his hand. 

“Whassat for?” He tilted his chin up questioningly. He could hardly keep still.

Remus gave him a shy look and muttered, “Lubrication spell.”

Sirius didn’t say anything, he just threw his head back into the pillows and laughed affectionately, his torso shaking with it.

“Look- I practiced- I prepared- You’re gonna be grateful I did.”

Sirius smiled up at him, stilling his body.. “I believe you. So how…?”

Remus shrugged his shoulders and said, “I dunno, whichever way you wanna…? I think it’s probably easier on your front.”

Sirius immediately shook his head. “No,” he ran a hand over Remus’ hip where the unfaded punctures of a bite were visible, “I want to face you.”

Remus felt a surge of warmth in his chest and he couldn’t stop himself from leaning down and momentarily capturing Sirius’ lips. 

“Okay, we’ll just- I’ll just- like this then,” he tried to say, sitting back on his knees again. “You’re gonna need to at least spread your legs for me to- Oh, fuck…”

Sirius had opened his legs as far as he could before Remus even had time to process what he was telling him to do. He felt his cock twitch as Sirius pulled his ankles up towards his body, exposing everything for Remus to see.

“Like this?” he smirked. He certainly wasn’t being shy.

Remus didn’t know how he didn’t come there and then. He swallowed, choking back a whimper which would’ve been all too embarrassing and cast a nonverbal spell that coated his fingers in lubricant. He didn’t know exactly what it was the spell conjured but he had used it fine before and didn’t dwell on it. How could he with the sight in front of him: Sirius, open, blossoming for him.

He tossed his wand to the floor and ghosted a hand down Sirius’ cock and Sirius hissed. He continued down, down further, a finger teasing down his perineum and encircling his hole. 

“This okay?” 

Sirius nodded enthusiastically and Remus slid a finger inside.

It was an unfamiliar sensation but Sirius found it didn’t feel nearly as unpleasant or profane as he had anticipated. No, Remus made him feel safe, adored, made him pleasantly ache to share this most intimate part of himself with him. He pushed back onto his finger, already wanting more, more, more.

“Eager,” Remus jokingly chastised.

“Told you I was ready, didn’t I?”

“I didn’t think you were this ready,” Remus smiled sweetly. He was always so comfortable. And he eased in another finger.

Sirius could feel more of a stretch this time but oh it felt good. 

“I want you so much,” he breathed as he came undone on the slow rhythmic fucking of Remus’ fingers in and out, in and out. 

At the addition of a third, Sirius mewled quietly at the satisfying stretch, then brought his hands up to his face in an attempt to hide the blush that followed. 

Remus actually groaned at the sight, used his other hand to pull Sirius’ hands away from his hot cheeks and said, “Don’t hide from me. You’re lovely all laid out like this. Don’t hide yourself.”

Sirius almost choked at his words. He couldn’t resist him and let his hands fall to rest either side of his head. 

“Please go faster, Moony.” He kept pushing back until Remus quickened his pace and began stroking Sirius’ cock in time with his thrusts. Sirius made the most lewd sounds, encouraging them both. 

“Want you- inside me- Moony- Please.”

“You sure?” he checked and continued awkwardly, “I’m quite a bit bigger than my fingers, you know-“

“-Oh fuck, Remus, yes!” Sirius groaned. Listening to Remus talk like that made his head spin. “Yes I’m fucking sure- Want your cock- God you don’t know what you’re doing to me-“

Remus made a strangled noise in his throat and eased his fingers out of Sirius’ hole. Sirius breathed deeply as Remus coated his fingers in more lube and stroked it over his cock, trying to regain control of his body and his words. 

“Sorry,” he said quietly. Remus stopped. 

“For what?”

“For- For saying that stuff.”

“You’re saying sorry for talking?” Remus raised an eyebrow, ready to kindly have a go at him for undervaluing himself. 

“No- I’m, uh…” he struggled to think of what to say. “You know I ramble when I get-“

“-Overwhelmed, I know… Don’t apologise, please, you did nothing wrong,” he smiled, “I liked it.”

“You did?” He said confusedly.

Remus leant forward, holding Sirius’ waist with his dry hand.

“I always like it when you start babbling about something- Lets me know what you’re thinking.”

“Oh.”

“And I especially like what you’re thinking right now.”

“Oh,” he said, more knowingly and Remus closed the gap between them. 

“Now,” he said as he pulled away and grabbed Sirius’ right ankle, “Might sound weird but you’re gonna need to put your leg up, maybe over my shoulder.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows high and confusedly said, “Okay.”

“It helps, trust me.”

“I’m not very bendy,” he gave a small laugh which Remus returned.

“I know that’s not true- I’ve seen you play Quidditch. And dance. And wrestle James. You can contort yourself.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and let Remus push his right leg up over his shoulder. He felt so much more exposed at this angle but he found he didn’t seem to mind- Not when Remus was slicking himself up and pushing the head of his cock inside him. 

They both groaned as he did so; Sirius felt a burn that fell just on the right side of pleasurably painful.

“Keep going,” he encouraged and Remus pushed further in. 

Sirius tried to regulate his breathing and they both sat there in a sighing silence when Remus was the whole way in, his pelvis touching Sirius’ thighs. 

Merlin, Remus really was big. Sirius felt so full, so heavily contented. 

“Can I move?” Remus looked for signs of distress in Sirius’ grey eyes but found none. He was more so asking for himself than Sirius; he already knew the answer to his question at this point and he so needed to fuck into him, to make him feel good, to make them both come. 

“Slowly.”

So Remus did. He took it slow, starting only with a roll of his hips which elicited a shiver from Sirius. And as he built up his thrusting, Sirius became more encouraging and he stroked him in time with his hips. 

Sirius was sure he was probably sobbing with pleasure already. And then, when Remus thrust short and sharp and hit something inside him that made his brain shut down, he knew he looked an absolute wreck. 

He moaned all too high-pitched and breathless and Remus smirked down at him and angled his hips the same way again to make him cry out over and over again. 

“Mooonyy,” he whined, long and trembling, voice practically vibrating with every thrust of Remus’ cock. 

“Are you gonna…?” 

“Yes. Yes.”

“Talk to me,” Remus moaned. 

“Fuck- Moony- I’m so- Ah- I need to-“ God, he was useless now that he was so on the edge. “Need to come- Fuck, if you keep- Ah- going like that- you’re gonna make me…”

His back arched and he shuddered as Remus fucked him through his orgasm, breathy moans falling from his lips. 

“Come- Ah- Come in me, Moons- Ah! Fill me up-“

And, at his words, Remus did. God his voice had such an impact on him it was almost ridiculous. 

After a moment, he could hear, “Stop- Stop- Too much-“

Remus felt a hand push at his abdomen and he slowly stilled his hips. 

“Sorry.”

“It’s- okay- just- over- stimulated,” Sirius breathed raggedly, eyes fluttering closed. His body felt so heavy. He’d never come that hard in his life- he hadn’t thought it was possible to feel that good.

Remus slid his softening cock out of Sirius and he whimpered at the sensation. 

“Eugh- Your come’s all leaking out of me,” blinking his eyes open. 

Remus swallowed hard. “Merlin, Pads, don’t say shit like that- you’re gonna get me hard again.”

Sirius laughed and reached a tired arm out for him. 

“Hang on a sec, love- Cleaning charm.”

Sirius smiled drowsily at the pet name and sighed in relief when the charm cleaned up the mess they'd both made of him. Remus sunk down next to him in the bed and Sirius wound his arms around him, still trying to touch every inch of skin he had yet to explore. 

“So,” Remus punctuated this with a kiss to Sirius’ forehead, “Was I alright?”

“Bloody hell you were better than alright,” he mumbled tiredly into his chest which shook slightly with Remus’ laughter. “If it’s gonna be like that every time, I don’t know how I’ll cope.”

“Hmm. We’ll just have to find tons of different ways to shag then. You didn’t even get to touch me like you wanted… Would you let me go down on you next time?”

“Whoa- Stop. You’re gonna get me hard, hypocrite. And what, like if I were a girl? I’m not sure I’d be up for that.”

“You’re a dog, you’d like it,” Remus chuckled.

“Hmmph, fair... Can we have a nap now though? Till dinner?”

“Course, just let me-“ he flicked his wand and the curtains around them shut, blocking out the light. “And they’re sealed- James and Pete won’t be able to get in.”

“They won’t be back anyway. But thanks- I wouldn’t have thought- what would I do without you, hmm?”

“You’d still not have lost your virginity,” Remus joked.

“Shove off,” Sirius pushed his arm pathetically. 

Remus kissed the top of his head and held him tighter. 


End file.
